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Accounting Pickup Lines That Just Make Cents

Master the Opening Line

Everyone needs an accountant at some point in their lives. They can be beneficial to have on a daily basis if you operate your own business, but typically everyone needs their expertise at tax time. However, you can imagine they need something to make them smile after a busy day at the office crunching numbers. Here are a few punny pickup lines to tell your accountant friends or to use on the accountant you might want to get the attention of and make smile.

1. You can list me as a deduction, because I'm dependent on your love.

(and I'm dependent on meatball hot pockets, but I shouldn't waste my paycheck on those either)

2. It's accrual world out there, but I am so willing to invest in you.

(wow, I thought I'd get more than two jokes in without realizing I know nothing about accounting)

3. Slide your number slowly across the bar or table and then say "How do these numbers look to you?"

(This one might work better if she thinks it's your salary, not your phone number)

4. After filing my taxes today, I've learned that my spending account is quite flexible. Are you flexible?

(Maybe there's a reason she's an accountant, not a gymnast)

5. Do you have anything to do tonight? Because I would love to drive you home and retire your assets.

(How about you use your assets to at least buy her dinner first)

6. I will let you audit all my assets if you let me audit all of yours. You might be pleasantly surprised by what I have in my books.

(Fingers crossed she doesn't actually want you to audit her finances)

7. You're the type of girl I know I could take home to my mother... Which is good since I still live with her and she claims me as a dependent.

(Cute, with a loose accounting tie-in, but maybe not the most enticing invitation)

8. What are you doing on Friday night? Hopefully nothing because I'm accounting on taking you out.

(Come on, everyone knows Friday is National Accountants Sit At Home And Cry Day!)

9. I promise, if you stick with me my feelings for you will never depreciate.

(Your feelings won't, but hers will real quick if you keep making jokes like that)

10. Hey girl/boy, do you want to be like an accounting journal entry and help balance each other out?

(Seesaw dates went out of fashion in the late 1800s...)

11. Hey how are your books looking? Do you have room for a date-a-entry?

(Okay honestly this one is not bad)

12. Hey girl/boy, do you know why my nickname is Gross Profit? Actually no one calls me that... they just call me gross.

(Okay honestly this one is horrendous and will never ever land you a date)

13. Hey girl, you have got a GREAT figure. You must be an accountant!

(I feel like the fact that she's an accountant was established a long time ago...)

14. Girl/Boy you must be some type of corporate asset because I am accruing lots of interest in you.

(I guess this is a family friendly page but we have really skipped over the best asset pun that could be made here)

15. I'm no accountant but I know my love for you has an estimated useful life of forever

(I hope you have the capital to back this one up, buddy)

16. Hey handsome, you remind me of all the journal entries you did today because you and I just add up.

(I'm guessing accounting journal entries are not exactly about how Sally made fun of your shirt at school today)

17. Hey cutie, I'll show you my spreadsheets if you show me yours.

(Again, the pun would be so much better if it was phrased just a little bit differently)

18. Hey boy/girl, let's combine our assets and liabilities to make some small equities.

(Are children not just completely liabilities?)

19. You must be from accounting because I was ac-counting on seeing you later.

(Yep, you'll see her next tax season!)

20. Hey baby, in my office IRS stands for I'm really sexy!

(The office is probably not the best place for that acronym to apply)

And there you have them, friends! Some of the wackiest, zaniest and funniest pick-up lines to put to the test. I should put a disclaimer here and now: Any harm, injury or legal problems that arise from use of these lines are in no way our fault. However, if they work out for you, we totally want the credit. Use them with caution! Make your dating life something you want to remember. Most importantly, always enjoy the laughs!

These accounting pickup lines are guaranteed to help you pick up any accountant or banker person you could want, even though they are cheesy lines your humor will help you be the funniest guy on the block with these cheesy pickup lines, and make a lovely pair with the woman of your dreams. Become flirty with other's assets, and your funny humor dad jokes will win any conversation when you flirt with an accountant, and you can become a lucky guy or man on tax day when you give a woman a good laugh with these corny and cheesy pickup lines. Make jokes about an incomplete ledger, a fixed asset, a charitable gift, or a double entry, and the accountant woman or man of your dreams will simply fall in love with your corny humor and dad jokes, and the two of you will make a lovely pair. You are the sole proprietor of your love life, so go out there and win a municipal bond income of love this tax season as you flirt with the cute accountant with these cheesy pick up lines and liquid assets. Wanna win that pickup line battle with these great accounting pick up lines? Whether on twitter, tinder, or in real life, each pick up line and joke will make you the funniest person around, and win that accountant of your dreams.

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